There is no competition for who has it worse, so why do we operate like there is one? This week, I’m talking about how comparing pain/struggles can really damage the way we process the experiences in our life and our ability to fully feel our emotions.
I think this topic is so important because I’ve come across so many people who have a really hard time feeling the positive feelings in their lives. This could be an indication that you’re actively trying to avoid, resist or react to your feelings, instead of feeling them.
Four Reasons Pain Comparison is Hurting You
- Minimizing your pain is not a form of gratitude. You can hold some things you’re grateful for while still allowing your pain to be present, as something you’re also experiencing
- Your pain deserves space. You’re the only person who can do this. When you shut down your feelings of pain, you could be shutting off all other emotions.
- There is enough pain to go around. Allowing yourself space to feel pain doesn’t take away from someone else’s struggles and pain.
- We’re all different! We all have different life experiences and circumstances and different ways that we relate to those.
There is NO upside to devaluing your own experiences. If you notice you do struggles with pain comparison/devaluation, here are a few questions to process:
- What if you didn’t use others to decide how you should/shouldn’t feel?
- What if you could look inward and to not feel how you should feel, but how you actually feel?
- If you experience your emotions fully (anger sadness, frustration, shame etc), what does that allow in your life? What’s the downside? What’s the upside?
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