This episode feels different because it is.
I sat down to record this knowing I might not say it perfectly. I went back and forth on how to do this, what to include, what to leave out, and at some point I realized there wasn’t a perfect way. There was just a decision that needed to be made.
After nearly five years of showing up consistently, I’m taking a break from the podcast.
Even saying that still feels a little surreal.
This podcast has been a constant through some of the hardest seasons of my life. If you go back, you’ll hear episodes recorded in the middle of surgeries, diagnoses, and long stretches of uncertainty. What I proved to myself during those years is that I can keep going.
But this next season is asking something different of me.
It’s asking me to see if I can stop.
There’s a very real tension here. Because when you know that something you do impacts other people, it becomes a lot harder to step away from it. There’s this quiet negotiation that happens… maybe I can just keep going a little longer, maybe I can push through, maybe it’s not the right time.
But underneath all of that, I’ve known what I need.
And what I need is a break.
Not because everything is falling apart. In many ways, things are good. But if you live this life, you know it’s layered. There’s always an undercurrent. Grief doesn’t just show up in the big moments. It’s woven into the everyday, especially in seasons where things look “fine” on the outside.
And right now, I’m in a season that’s asking more of me.
My son is getting older. We’re stepping into a phase filled with uncertainty, logistical shifts, and decisions that carry weight. And I want to be available for that. Not just physically, but emotionally.
I also want to be available for myself.
That’s been the harder part to admit.
Because stepping away from something I love means loosening my grip on something that has given me purpose, connection, and rhythm for years. It means interrupting a relationship I deeply value. It means stepping into the unknown without a clear plan for what comes next.
And if I’m honest, that part is uncomfortable.
But it also feels right.
This decision feels like opening my hands instead of holding on tighter. Letting go instead of negotiating for more time. Trusting instead of trying to control what comes next.
I don’t know if this is a short break or something longer. I’m not ready to call it an ending. But I am ready to honor what I need right now.
During this time, I’ll still be connected through email and spending more time inside the Pathway to Peace community, which feels really aligned for this season.
And I just want to say thank you.
For listening. For being here. For sharing the podcast with people you love. For the messages, the comments, the quiet ways you’ve shown up.
This isn’t goodbye.
But it is a pause.
And I’m trusting that whatever comes next will meet me there.
